Should Wives Submit to Their Husbands?

Not so fast...

There are probably few verses in the Bible that are more misunderstood than “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord” as found in Ephesians 5:22, and the “Wives, be subject to your husbands” in Colossians 3:18.

Most people read these verses and see something like “Wives, OBEY and do what your husband says… like it or not!”

But Bible passages are not to be read in terms of what they mean to the reader, but what they actually mean.

These verses were not written in modern-day English, so when translated and read two thousand years later, they can be easily misunderstood… Especially if one doesn’t consider the original language… ancient Greek.

The word “submit” being translated here is from the koine Greek verb hupotassomai (from tássō) … a military term often used to order soldiers into formation to face an enemy. The word was also used to assign someone to a military or civil post with responsibility.

At the same time, the English word “submit” originally did not mean what we think it does today. It came from the Latin “sub” (under) plus the verb “mittere” (to send forth) meaning to send someone out in support of something. Over hundreds of years, it has eventually come to mean “obey without question” … and that’s how we can get it so wrong these days.

So, a proper translation might be “Wives, support your husbands” or “Wives, go to battle for your husbands.”

Another problem is that these verses are so often taken out of context that they lose their original meaning. Look at the whole of Ephesians Chapter 5 leading into Chapter 6…

In the first century, there was no need to tell wives to “obey” their husbands… which was assumed in the culture of that day. Paul was instructing the Ephesian and Colossian wives to do something very different than they were used to.

In verses 1-20 of Chapter 5, Paul implored them to live joyously in new ways, “singing and making melody… giving thanks for everything.” Then in verses 6:10-17, he wrote “Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm…”  What these passages are actually about is putting off the ways of the past and instead supporting each other in standing firm against the forces of evil, fully armored and ready for spiritual battle! With all of the spiritual attacks on men, families, and children these days, that’s no longer an option, but a necessity.

(There is one exception to this… if the wife is acting in a manner that may be illegal, unethical, or sinful, her husband must gently admonish her using the Word of God as a guide.)

Paul is asking both husbands and wives to weave themselves together as a fighting unit, not to make the wife a low-level servant. Instead, wives should be seen more as equal partners with different strengths, gifts, and skills.

As I wrote in my book, 50 Things You Wish You Knew About Love, Marriage, and Divorce, consider a large ship anchored in a harbor. It will have huge ropes or cables securing it to an anchor to keep it in place if rocked by high wind and waves.

If you could get close enough, you would see that it's not just a single rope or cable holding the vessel. It is usually three or a multiple of three ropes interwoven together. A single strand, or even two strands, can easily come apart, but a cord of three is difficult to break.

King Solomon got it right nearly three thousand years ago when he wrote this…

12 Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. And a threefold cord is not quickly broken. (Ecclesiastes 4:12 NJKV)

Marriages also need to be tied to an anchor... like a ship, an anchor in a marriage helps protect it from the storms of life. If there is no secure anchor, the marital union will be tossed about by the waves and pushed around by every wind that comes along. The husband and the wife each represent one of the anchoring cords in a marriage. Each one brings their own efforts to preserving and maintaining a marriage relationship.

But that is only two cords... what about the third?

A cord of three (or marriage braid) symbolizes the joining of one man, one woman, and God into a marriage relationship. Each one of the three colored strands has a special meaning... The gold strand represents God, who has given them the gift of love. The purple represents the groom, and the white represents the bride. In braiding these three strands together, the couple has chosen to allow God to be at the center of their marriage, woven into every aspect of it. Some couples even make it part of their wedding ceremony, weaving three cords into a marriage braid as they stand before their witnesses.

So, in the end, these two particular verses are not about wives blindly obeying their husbands. Instead, they are about wives becoming an equal partner, standing together with God and their husbands to resist the evils of the day.

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